Category: wordplay

What do you get if you cross a match with sand paper? Fire.

“We’ll both have to face it eventually.” I told my wife. But for now, the new mirror remained under wraps.

I think it’s safe to say that since I started doing origami regularly, my ability has increased 10 fold.

Normally, I can sense water sources, but I’m not feeling well today.

I was giving blood at my local health centre the other day when in walked an Orc “Are you giving blood as well?” I asked “No” he replied “…I’ve got too much Haemogoblin”

I don’t mind blacks or paki’s. My baby sitting business has a whites only policy.

Spelling is important, look! The difference between won and one: Great Britain have just won gold. Australia have just one gold.

I’d tell you who works here, but it’s personnel.

I made a hotel out of little cheesy biscuits. It’s not exactly the Ritz.

I’m getting sick and tired of carrying this baggage around with me. If I keep dragging it around with me, I’m going to end up with all kinds of back ache and god knows what else. So, I’m going to put it down. I rest my case.

My mate, who drives trains for a living, was killed yesterday after getting struck by lightening. He was a good conductor.

A knife-wielding maniac nearly made me crash my car today. He cut me up.

‘Movie to be made about recently engaged dead marathon runner’. It’s going to be called ‘No Weddings and a Funeral’.

I was going to invent a device to shield fruit and veg stalls from rain. But the market’s already saturated.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand. It’s intolerance.