Category: wordplay

I’ve bought a device that makes my wife come every time. It’s a retractable lead.

My wife has been smoking very heavily lately. It was that bad, friends would even complain of the smell when they came round to the house. Maybe I shouldn’t have set her on fire.

My ex-girlfriend got sectioned last night. I cut her into quarters.

As a child, I always wanted to be a Power Ranger when I grew up. I got my wish. I sell extension cords now.

As a Private Detective I always carry with me a piece of thin paper and a pencil. It always come in handy if I have to trace somebody.

Manchester United? I knew united fans don’t take Man City seriously but this is too far!

Two mountaineers reach a huge, deep fissure in a glacier. “Careful here,” says one of them. “My mountain guide fell down there last year.” “I bet you feel bad about that,” says the other. “Not really, it was pretty old and missing a few pages.”

My wife moans at me to say ‘I did’ instead of ‘I done’ because it’s not proper grammar. Easier said than did.

After 20 years of public service, I’ve finally retired. 4 new Michelins on my taxi.

I was going to tell a gag about the army, but it’s a private joke.

Just started work in the Army camouflage unit. I think the guys like me. They said I’m blending in wonderfully.

I saw a shop today that had written in big letters over the window Drink Store. I thought, there’s a challenge.

The new arab xbox 360 game. Qatar Hero.

Bigamy..Like the real me, but taller.

Just got my sign language exam results back. Mostly eh.