Category: wordplay

I don’t care how many times my wife tries to suggest it. I just will not admit to being stubborn.

I invented a money printing fridge. Made a cool 200 million.

Just seen a sign outside B&Q: “Stainless Steel Sinks”. Bit obvious, I thought.

My boss says I tire too easily. Which is why I’m Kwik-Fit fitter of the month for January.

What a coincidence, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson dying on the same day. One played with Majors and the other played with Minors.

Why don’t women drink cool aid? Cos after their husbands are done with them they need first aid.

We played a deaf football team at the weekend and stuffed them 7-0. Our fans were singing, “You’re not signing anymore”.

On Friday nights , instead of going to clubs , my friends and i hang out at the hospital’s orthopaedic ward . It’s a hip joint .

My local butcher’s shop has a sign saying, “Back Bacon.” This betting advertising is getting out of hand.

Last night my girlfriend said to me “tonight i’m your present” So I wrapped her.

My other mate is a gynaecologist who never comes out He reckons hes got too much work on at the orifice

I have a girlfriend called Gael and, needless to say, I get blown a lot.

I was in the gym earlier when I saw a huge guy lifting 450 pounds on the bench press. I figured he must be on steroids, so I said to him ‘can you get me some? I’m very much in need.’ Next thing I know I’m in bed with his mates sister and thinking that […]

I make decent money donating sperm. About fifty pounds a week, disposable in come.

SALE: Curtains 25% off They were too short.