Category: wordplay

My Girlfriend wanted a fairytale wedding, so I only spent twenty quid on it. It was a bit Grimm.

I tried to get a refund on my incomplete backgammon set. No dice.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

I tried smoking cigarettes as a teen. Unfortunately, with my bald head and huge beard, I wasn’t very convincing.

My mates and I went out last night and got absolutely smashed. That’s the problem when you’re a mirror.

I have an imaginary friend. By which I mean I square rooted one of my enemies.

Just been to a secret meeting of revolutionary librarians. It was all very hush hush.

I fell down a deep hole with some water at the bottom the other day and hurt myself. In those situations you just have to pick yourself up and say “Oh well”.

After my daughter’s first day at primary school she came home and told me “My teacher touched me.” I’d love to meet her teacher, he sounds like a real inspiration.

I’ve recently taken quite a shine to the polish

Me and the wife were eating Sunday dinner, when I pulled a face and said “God, there’s too much fat…it’s disgusting” “Rubbish…it’s a lovely lean joint”, she replied. I looked her up and down and said, “I wasn’t talking about the roast love”.

My wife called me into the bathroom and asked me to wash her back. I don’t remember her washing me in the first place.

I have a division addiction. I just can’t stop doing it 24 / 7

What a night’s sleep I had, first I thought my hair was stuck to the headboard, then I couldn’t stop sucking my teeth. I even moved my pyjamas 12 inches below my waist. then I dreamt I had a really cool mobile phone, but it wasn’t mine. It got worse as I started waving my […]

I had five loaves and two fish for tea. It was a meal of biblical proportions.