Category: wordplay

DJ Baby P can’t mix tapes, but Madeleine McCann.

I was chucked out of a seance last night. The medium asked if I had a spirit guide and I said “Yes, it’s Trevor at Bargain Booze.”

My grandma spends most of the time listening to her new wireless. She hasn’t yet got the hang of the Internet.

I was in a football match the other day. “It’s a draw!” Shouted the ref, as a wooden piece of furniture got hurled onto the pitch.

The secret cannabis farm at the end of my street has caught fire. There’s a high police presence in the area right now.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Three lefts do.

I always go to work wearing baggy trousers in honour of a band. My wife thinks it’s Madness.

I stand accused of unleashing a sleep-inducing gas in a courtroom. The jury’s still out.

My track record with women is appaling. Twenty three defeats and only four wins,

I had never known my wife to be such at expert at grilling until I bought a new gas bar-b-que for the deck out back. “How much did this cost? Where did you get the money? Did I say it was OK to buy this? she asked me repeatedly until I was reduced to tears.

BBC news: Controversial pastor banned from UK Is it fusilli or rigatoni?

Girl Flashed by Scotsman :- “Oh that’s gruesome” Scotsman – “Gi’ it a touch love an’ it’ll gruesome more”

My brother has just been found dead after injecting heroin into his gums. What a smack in the mouth.

If Wally and Wenda ever have a kid, it will probably be completely invisible.

My Dyslexic mate just forwarded me a video of somebody taking a microchip out of a George Foreman Lean & Mean and putting it into a Breville Sandwich Toaster. 2 Grills 1 CPU