Category: wordplay

I heard a thud in my garden the other day. He was hunting wabbits.

My mum hit me last night. It’s great having her as a Black Jack dealer.

Psychologists say that children who bond with their fathers from an early age have less chance of having behavioural problems later in life. I agree. I used to watch the Bond films with my Dad, and it never did me any harm.

Armadillo: one ‘d’ away from being completely inappropriate.

My garden is only 36 inches wide, More like a yard

Have you seen the new Twitter page for the National Stalking Clinic? I followed them.

What do you call a domino thief? Dominic.

Saw a shoplifter being arrested this morning by an albino policeman. I thought to myself, “That’s a fair cop.”

BBC News : Pension age could rise from 2016…. I think that’s old enough to be honest.

If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together. Along with ‘E’, ‘A’ and ‘O’ to optimize organization.

Statistically taller people sleep longer in bed.

If it’s not one female characteristic of a cow, it’s an udder.

I’m sick and tired of radical Muslims getting all the attention in the media. What about all the awesome Buddhists, gnarly Hindus and most excellent Jews?

Grappling hooks…….. …….they’ll never catch on

Took my dog to have him put down. The vet took one look at him and said,”You’re a mongrel” Seriously, 85 quid. I could have insulted him better myself.