Category: wordplay

When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

I had a leaflet through my door last week advertising the ‘Third World Clothing Appeal’. It all sounds a bit suspect to me; I have no recollection of the first two.

Statistically 2 in 1 people are obese.

When I was 14 I strolled into a pub, put on my deepest voice and asked, “What alcoholic drink can I get for a fiver?” It was worth a shot.

Took my new Skoda back to the garage, and told the mechanic that I couldn’t get past 71 up the steep hill opposite. “Not bad for a Skoda,” he replied. “But I live at 95.” I told him.

I was playing with an electrical charge when a small earthquake occured.I got zapped. I even got a bit of aftershock as well.

I’ve just took the wife out for dinner. I’ll have her later, she’s got to defrost first.

If you like despair, you’re one of two people: A sixteen year old emo girl. Or a Jamaican who likes this pear.

If you support capital punishment, then you want hanging.

Always remember ‘Never Eat Shredded Wheat’ Especially if you’re a coeliac

I said to the judge “I do not recognise this court”. He asked “On what grounds?” I said “You’ve redecorated,haven’t you?”

My wife wanted me to change the duvets. It’s alright though, I’ve got them covered.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall. I really should take that newspaper down and put some proper wallpaper up.

When my hand starts shaking, you know I’m about to have a stroke.

I’m a chair at the local school along with a few other parents These cuts have gone too far.