Category: wordplay

I was walking the dog earlier when the wife gave me a stern look and handed me the lead. Reluctantly, I put down my yo-yo and led the mutt outside.

I’ve invented a Velcro condom. Experts have criticised the idea but I’m sticking with it.

Apparently Manchester United were so impressed by Sebastian Abreu’s performance for Uruguay they have launched a bid for him. They are also looking at fellow team mates Kadabreu and Alak Azam

They say two heads are better than one. Regardless, the royal mint rejected my coin design.

I voted for Labour last year. But my wife still went for the Caesarian in the end.

My wife said she is leaving me because I can’t stop talking about African countries. To which I replied “Please Kenya take me back, I’m Ghana stop doing it. I don’t want you Togo.

My fat wife will be set for life now that I’ve won the lottery. Finally I can afford enough cement to cover her in.

I was walking along a street decorated with rows of compact discs, which was no surprise as it was a seedy part of town.

Keep getting caught speeding in 30mph zones. They’re clearly not my forte.

BBC News: “Man held after fatal dog attack” Aaahhh, did he need a hug?

I’ve just tried salsa dancing,but it’s not for me. My feet were to big to fit in the jar.

I saw a group of girls out last night wearing pink cowboy hats and matching T shirts. At first I thought it was a hen night but as I got closer I realised it was actually a pig night.

My wife said to me that she wanted a bit more variety to spice up her life. So I told her to add mustard to my next sandwich.

I was being chased by the police, so I went and purchased a clock. That bought me some time.

Putting the first letters of footballers names on their training tops was my initial idea.