Category: wordplay

Tests have shown that dead skin can be used for skinning up a joint. Bob Marley must be rolling in his grave.

My mate told me he wanted to post an item to Beijing. I said ‘Courier?’ He said ‘No, it’s in China’

Scousers take everything seriously. No seriously, they take everything.

I turned up at a fancy dress party dressed as a football. I was immediately kicked out

My wife said I have to put a monetary value on everything. I thought “that’s rich”

I told my girlfriend that she would find a cannalloni in the fridge when she got home from work. I’ve drank five of her Peroni’s.

The power in my house just went out. I came back a few hours later, drunk, and beat my wife.

What’s Bob short for? Diabetes claimed both his legs.

My mate recently survived a bomb blast, he is made of steel… Plastic and Carbon-fibre

After 6 years searching hi and low for a new career path, attending numerous interviews and taking part in many trial shifts, I can finally bring some good news: I’m going to be a professional gymnast. At last I’ve finally landed on my feet.

Look out for people lifting small weights at the gym. They’re easy to spot.

BREAKING NEWS – The England hotel was broken into last night and possessions were stolen. The referee is now wanted on 2 charges of robbery.

I don’t know why the call that dangerous game, ‘Chicken.’ The chicken got to the other side.

Sky News: Stag party plunges 100ft in hotel lift terror Oh Dear…

I have some weird fetishes. I find switches a real turn on.