Category: wordplay

The recent cancellation of Sonisphere was disconcerting.

This bloke in the sauna keeps telling everyone to get out? Talk about selfish steam issues!

My mate is thinking of starting up a three piece band with a pianist, a drummer and himself on vocals. He’s really going for it and thinks they’re gonna go all the way. But I don’t know… He seems a bit Keane to me.

What time do scientists finish work? Ohm time.

My wife said, “Why did you spend so much money on food?” I replied, “You and the kids won’t eat anything else.”

My wife lost her wedding ring the other day and described it as the most “mysterious disappearance she’d ever known”. I take it she’s never heard of the Frosties kid.

So Magnus Magnusson said to me “And your specialist subject is?” “Well, since this must be heaven,” I said, “It’s not gas boilers…”

My mate said he needed his Honda washing in the next couple of hours but being the selfish git I am, I said I’d do it on my own Accord.

Men are not better than women… Women are worse than men.

I had almost finished repairing my antique clock when I gave up. I just couldn’t face it.

I’m a beast at metaphors.

I just witnessed a kidnapping. So, when his mothers back was turned, I grabbed him.

I made a glaring mistake that cost me a few teeth yesterday. I frowned at a guy in a pub in Glasgow.

My budgie escaped from its cage not so long ago and mated with my dog. Now I have several puppies going cheep if anyone’s interested.

He wears stockings, carries a knife and sneaks into little girls bedrooms. I’m amazed Peter Pan has got away with it for as long as he has.