Category: wordplay

My wife miscarried last night. I kept telling her; back straight, knees bent.

My dad has loads of photos of his blood vessels around the house. He’s so vein.

I lost my job in a nuclear power plant. Apparently my boss didn’t get my e-mail about me taking a week off work to go fission.

I went out on the town with my Thesauras Enthusiasts Club last night. We coated the large village scarlet.

This bloke from the pub tries to sell computers on the cheap. He’s a bit of a Dell Boy.

Whats big and smells? A jews nose.

Yeah doctor, i’ve been feeling a bit… strange. like, sometimes past, sometimes future – you know? Yes yes, you sound a bit tense.

‘Welcome to the Black Parade’: Popular ‘My Chemical Romance’ song. And Joseph Kony’s National Anthem.

I recently hacked into the bank account of a famous musician and transferred 250 000 to my current account. I’m living life on the edge.

I asked my mate where he went on his summer holidays, ‘Room 32b, Waikiki resort, Hawaii’ I said, ‘that’s very Pacific’

I took my girlfriend Eileen to an orgy party last week, You should have seen the mess she was in when they started playing Dexy’s midnight runners………..

Just been reading a book which, apparently, is all the rage, about a girl who cheats in her A level exams to achieve higher marks. Boring! Can’t see what all the fuss is about ‘Shifty Grades of Faye’!

New research indicates that al the temple ruins in South America aren’t actually ruins, they were built that way by the Spaztecs.

I reluctantly went for a job at a restaurant today, and the guy said. “You’ve got the job.” “I can’t wait!” I replied. He said, “Fantastic, I’ll see you Monday, 9am.” I don’t think he’d noticed that my arms were missing.

As a young lad, my granddad worked as a knocker upper. I’m one of his 75 grandchildren.