Category: wordplay

My girlfriend just said, “I hope the present you’re buying me for my birthday fits.” “Corset will, fatty.” I replied.

I held up a bank today. It was heavy

I like getting blisters on the bottom of my feet. Keeps me on my toes.

My mate’s upset, having been sacked from the nuclear power plant. He reacted badly.

My favourite position is the duplicate: Someone’s already beaten you to it but you try to get in there somewhere anyway!

I was in this club last night when a beautiful blonde girl asked me for my number. So I gave her the ticket and she got me my coat.

I’ve just heard the shocking news about Elton John dying ! I always thought that was his natural hair colour.

I wanted to take my obese wife on a road trip with some of my mates, but I was worried she wouldn’t fit in. So I hired a trailer.

Kristian Digby just died? He was very old, considering he was at one time the biggest dog in the world.

My wife said “I might go back to college to get a maths GCSE, what do you reckon?” I said “Don’t count on it”.

I once tried to boil mercury in my kettle. It completely destroyed the element.

I bought some cooking apples today. Total waste of money. They just sat on the kitchen side doing nothing, while I did all the cooking.

I found out my best mate and I have been seeing each others girlfriends. Its fair to say we were exchanging blows.

About to pay a deposit on a well-earned holiday in the Romanian capital. I’m going to Bucharest.

I bought a cordless keyboard on ebay. It only lets you play one note at a time.