Category: wordplay

My mate’s a builder. He reckons his hands are so rough he can plane timber with them. I’ve had enough of his callous lies.

Our local rubbish collectors have issued a stern warning today… They’re stamping down on overfilled bins.

News reports suggest husband and wife’s marriage breakdown was a contributory factor in the Jersey stabbings…. Guess they were Poles apart.

I’ve just bought a new flat. That’s the last time I go to Kwik Fit.

For Sale: 1 x New Dining Room Table Leg Missing Selling Because I Can’t Stand It

As a composer of note, I’m bound to go down in history as a very lazy composer.

Sky news: Handbag Heroine fights off jewel store robbers armed with sledgehammers. Wow, that’s some strong smack.

I’m working tonight at five to one. 1/7 says I call in sick.

The wife wants me to buy something musical for our 4 year old daughter’s birthday. I’m going to give her a fiddle.

Spring Deal: 50% off all trampolines

Me and my wife really love each other. Unfortunately Each Other hates us for giving him such an ‘apparent’ ridiculous name.

Whenever I switch my faucet on, there is always a delay before the water starts running. It’s out of sink.

NEWS HEADLINES: An entire northern town in England has totally disappeared. Police have no Leeds.

Pause for thought: Should mountain goats be illegal?

I hit a cyclist the other day. I wasn’t in my car; I just thought it’d be funny.