Category: wordplay

Is it just me or are there other synonyms for myself?

What do you call a guy with a load of workout equipment on his head? Jim

My mate was mysteriously kidnapped two months ago, and then the same happened to his daughter just a few days later. She’s always taken after her dad.

My girlfriend bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of vermicelli. You should’ve seen her face as I drove pasta.

I’ve just been on a popular fat singer’s fansite, and wrote: If I post something here that’s random, irrelevant and insulting to her large [number of] fans, in the hope of provoking a response… …Would that be “Trolling in the deep”?

I had a plasterer round earlier He said “Mate, you need the paramedics for a broken leg”

I have recently learned my unhealthy eating habits have clogged up my arteries and left me in desperate need of a heart transplant. In fact, just yesterday I consulted with an advisor over the future I can expect and discussed my choices, when he said “So Sir, describe your perfect donor” In hindsight, my response, […]

This is the last time I tell anybody that I do not want to be cloned. I will not repeat myself.

“Come on kids, we’re going to play on the slides!” – The inventor of PowerPoint, shortly before his children stopped loving him

Enjoy your spliffs, folks. The only home grown I get is when the wife sighs wistfully.

Today I delivered a package to a man in jail. He got what was coming to him.

I renewed my drivers license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica.

Brangelina have announced that they are having a divorce following rumours of Brads’ affair with his ex, Jennifer Aniston, started to circulated. Its good news for Jolie as Brad and Aniston will have the nickname ‘Branston’ and their relationship will probably be a pickle.

Corduroy pillows. They’re making headlines.

Someone gave me a 24 hour clock once… It made my day.