Category: wordplay

I decided to get the misses some festive earrings this year with little mince pies on. Now that’s pioneering stuff.

Gordon Brown was the best prime minister to ever run the United Kingdom. Did i say run? I meant ruin. Ironic how much difference one “I” can make isn’t it Gordon?

Some guy threatened to hunt me down and attack me with a pair of shock absorbers. He didn’t say when though – the suspension’s killing me.

I’m trying to think of something to right, but the words wont come out write.

Hard, durable, tough… Sorry about the strong language.

One of my friends killed himself by jumping into a septic tank. It was sewercide.

I always have Stella when I go to my local pub, all the other girls say no.

Headline in the Mirror ‘Danger drug meow meow’s successor MDAI could flood Britain’ I for one won’t be taking it, because i think it’s maid wrong

If not caring about accuracy is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

If I wake up again next to another desperate pig I’ll probably lose my job as night security at the abattoir.

I gained 3 pounds this week, I must have the worst paid job in England.

Feeling guilty after stealing Trivial Pursuit. I’m going to have to ask myself some very difficult questions.

“Nigerian President Dies After Long Illness” This is definitely a bad week in politics if you’re Brown.

I’ve been eating lots of stuff from the ground without getting fat. I think I’ve got worms.

My wife was in the bath crying earlier, so I said, ‘You’re in a state – what’s the matter?’ ‘Liquid’, she replied.