Category: wordplay

My wife said she really wanted to lose a stone. So I sold her wedding ring.

I like to embrace new cultures. I have one growling on my bell-end right now.

I’ve got a habit of throwing my wife into various things around the house. I love the look on the ‘Angry birds’ face

I got myself doner card. Bet I will make a cracking kebab when i die.

I’ve got some designer turbans for sale at discount prices. They fell off the back of a camel.

I’ve just defused a black guys afro. They’re trying anything to smuggle explosives on planes nowadays.

I was amazed to learn that my Grandad’s generation referred to condoms as “French letters”. I’d be far too worried to use a contraceptive with a name like that in case it split at the first sign of any friction.

Self-harm is never the answer. Unless the question is “what should Piers Morgan’s next career move be?”

I have this weird obsession with removing splinters. It’s just getting a little bit out of hand.

I met my wife on a hair styling course at college. We gelled together.

Needle is worried about cotton being ill. But he’s sure he’ll pull through.

I’ve just heard that The clock tower containing Big Ben at the Palace of Westminster, is tilting… It’s suprising, I always thought that tower had time on it’s side.

Babies and high caffeine drinks don’t mix . . . . no matter how long you blend them.

I regularly follow any new stuff posted here. Can’t help it, really: I’m stalking the local mail-man.

*BREAKING NEWS* Dead body found in man’s luggage at Gatwick. Police say it’s a simple open and shut case.