Category: wordplay

I noticed a young soldier who was only shipped out to Afghanistan after bin Laden was killed, managed to step on a land mine yesterday… He’s had trouble finding his feet.

I fell out of a 600 story building and lived. It was a library.

My deeply religious mother was horrified when she thought I’d bought her an old wooden carving of the devil. “No, Mum. I said it’s an antique Christ.”

A new book has just been released about Maddy – ‘Still missing, still missed.’ I’d suggest asking the bloke who took a photo of ‘what she looks like now’ – he seems to be in the know

I was trying to figure out what makes Africans so hard to understand… … and then it clicked.

Finding another meaning for the word simple should be quite easy.

I got a new jet plane but it only goes as far as the western isles of Scotland. Skye is the limit.

I was drawing the curtains earlier when I thought: ‘Surely there’s something more interesting to fill my sketchbook with’.

When I was made redundant at the airlock factory they told me: “Remember, as one door closes another one opens.”

My wife couldn’t remember a thing after her breast cancer operation……… She was suffering from mammory loss.

As I was preparing to jump out of the plane, I turned to the Instructor and asked, “What if the chute doesn’t open?” He laughed and replied, “Relax mate, we’ve never had any complaints of parachutes not opening.”

I’ve got a job at a restaurant for cannibals. I’m the head chef.

21% of people cheat at their office Christmas party. I’m ashamed to admit I also cheated at my Christmas party. I sat down before the music stopped.

I entered my dog in a local dogfighting contest recently, but sadly, he was killed. He did a loop the loop and fell out of his plane.

Me and my mate were having a fight about mathematical problems. It got totally out of proportion.