Category: wordplay

“Just to play Devil’s Advocate for a minute, but have you considered becoming a Satanist?”

At the crematorium I noticed that it took the same amount of time to burn a Paki and a white person. This proves that, in God’s eyes, we are all cremated equal.

My gym instructor pointed at fifteen heavy dumbbells and told me I had to lift them all over the next quarter of an hour. Weight a minute…

Seal – Kiss From a Rose… More like fallen face first in a Rose Bush.

My wife come in today with no make up on and said, “Do I look ugly without my slap?” “No love, you look beautiful as always, you’re glowing!” I replied. Bare faced lies.

Walkers have made all these crisp flavours for the new football season. They’ve named them after premiership greats such as Smokey Beckham. I hope David Seaman doesn’t get his own flavour…

“Waiter, are you a betting man?” “No, sir,” says the waiter. “Then you won’t be needing a tip.”

I’ve finally landed my new job as various undercover agents. Disguise the limit.

I saw a sign outside our town hall that said Today – Bring and Bi Sale. I went in because I’m curious.

So Russia have won the bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Looks like they’re Putin one over on us.

What do you call an argument between an Argentinian and an Indian? A bit of Argy Bhaji.

Know how to make Vanilla Ice cream? Tell him it’s still 1989.

I just got fired from my job as a tailor. It just wasn’t the right fit.

Mr Potato head’s son came over to fix my bed yesterday. He’s a chippie.

Attention: If anybody on here knows Max Strength, can you tell him I have his Lemsip.