Category: wordplay

Aretha Franklin unharmed in plane crash. She was the soul survivor.

My wife said to me “Cleaning isn’t your forte” I said “What’s ‘forte’” She said “Egg and chips”

I say, I say, I say; a member of my cricket team has contracted a deadly viral disease. Ebola? More of a batsman, really.

I saw an advert in my local paper: Heavy Metal Group Requires Singer. What would a rock group want with a sewing machine?

I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, but after complications during the birth he’ll now be disabled for the rest of his life. I was going to make a joke about it to cheer me up but I don’t want another botched delivery.

Just saw a sign which said “WARNING! Forklift Truck in Operation”. No wonder the NHS waiting list is so long.

Ive poked quite a few of my Facebook friends over the last 6 months, and to those ive poked I’d just like to say… Get yourself down the clinic, just in case

Wow iron man. How did you get those creases out?

To cheer up the homeless i mailed them some of my favorite jokes …….. they didn’t get them!

Madness once challenged The Blockheads to a game of football. The Blockheads won in Ian Dury time.

Kobe will have a heap of energy for his next game after eating Rice all week

I just got a text from my girlfriend. It said “I’m at the zoo, they have lots of cows, oxoxoxoxoxox”

My girlfriend was a complete tramp before we started going out, constantly sleeping around. The park, shop doorsteps, even a cardboard box if she could find one…’

My other half asked me “What’s my worst feature?” I said “Weight”. I don’t really know why she just stood there for ages looking at me blankly.

I’ve been expecting a mail order bride for weeks now but she still hasn’t turned up, so I rang the company to enquire as to where she was. They told me not to worry and to expect Mai Ling on Friday.