Category: wordplay

I got caught cheating during an exam today. I didn’t even know my girlfriend was sitting the same one as me.

I bought myself some Bermuda shorts but they’ve disappeared.

My brother loves real ale but never comes along to the drinking club with me. I think he’s camra shy.

I had a weird moment earlier with a Chinese taxi driver. I went to put my luggage in the boot and he leaned out the drivers window and shouted “Beautiful”. “Thanks” I said, “Now I’ll just put my luggage in the boot”. “No, you look beautiful” He replied. I was just about to smash his […]

What’s the square root of 69? Ate something.

Both of Michael Cera’s parents worked for Xerox. This explains why every one of his parts is a facsimile of the last.

Don’t push me cause i’m close to the edge… But I’m not too keen on Bono.

I’ve been negotiating my release. My wife says one hand job, twice a week.

A family of clones moved into the house nextdoor the other day. They seem very nice, keep themselves to themselves…

I’m going to go and get a refund on ‘The Never Ending Story’ It’s only on for 102 minutes

My mate is a shape shifter… He works as a porter at the local geometry centre.

I was in bed with this bird last night and she asked if she could cover me in ketchup and lick it all off. I thought,’ That’s a bit saucy.’

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

It’s at times like this i wish i had a watch.

I like to end all my arguments by showing a photo of my hair combed neatly in different directions. My parting shot.