Category: wordplay

People have some strange fetishes, but i’ve got to say, I’m a sucker for lollipop ladies.

I turned down the chance to appear in the new Jeremy Kyle comic strip. I didn’t want to get drawn into an argument.

I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that I had gaps in my teeth that could be treated by an experimental operation in Arnhem – Holland. I told him it was a bridge too far.

Why don’t cups gamble? It’s a mug’s game

My girlfriend told me she was taking vitamins. “B complex?” I asked. “What is life really all about ?” she replied, then started to cry.

The club sandwich, because sometimes a knuckle sandwich just isn’t enough.

Just finished my first shift as a croupier at a casino. Dealt with everything quite well.

Osama was found today: talk Abbotabad place to hide!

Just planted a few bulbs. Gonna have my own solar plant!

The wife asked me to share some of the different types of beer I’d brought back from the supermarket. She got my special bruise.

“360 vision? I can’t get my head around that!” Said the owl.

The kids have emphatically said they don’t want me to help them with their homework, because I’m always getting things slightly wrong … I said .’OK, fine. But remember what goes around, comes down’

I keep having reocurring nightmares where I’m surrounded by loads of nude pregnant women. Could I be going through a midwife crisis?

BBC NEWS: “French police break key strike blockade near Paris” Well stopping keys is a start i suppose but they should really focus on people…

I just walked into my Sarcastics Anonymous club, five minutes late. They said, “Oh, nice of you to join us.”