Category: wordplay

Why aren’t lesbians allowed to work in a bakery? Because they keep smashing pasties.

The wife gave me five attempts to make an anagram out of ‘Ultimate Pen’. I did it with my ‘Penultimate’ effort

I tend to avoid the shallow end of the swimming pool now. I disapprove of the people there because they do not show or involve any serious or careful thought.

BBC News: Schwarzenegger U-turn on drilling “What’s this Arnie, a total recoil?”

I don’t understand why anyone would set their washing machine at 40 degrees. Surely it would look neater in line with all the other kitchen units.

I fingered my sister the other day. I mean, what else was I supposed to do when my Dad said, “Who ate the last biscuit?”

I went to one of those Feminist Rallies at the weekend. I missed the race, pity it must have been a good one. There was crashed cars all over the car park.

I spent this afternoon watching two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. After 30 minutes of intense viewing they were eventually left unattended and I stole them.

My wife said,”I know we’re both overweight, but we need to switch up the pace and spice it up more in the bedroom.” We both compromised, and decided to get the hot salsa instead of the mild.

I’ll never forget what my late grandmother once said to me. “Sorry, but the traffic was bad.”

An arsonist walks into a library and asks for a book on fires. The librarian says,”Sorry,they’re all out.”

bought a couple of cheap railway buffers today at the end of the line sale

Slept last night with a fan pointing at me. Though I found his chants of, “Nice sleeping” and “Keep up the great dribbling” kind of off putting.

BBC News: Earthquake hits West of Scotland. Not much rubble but residents advised to move gingerly.

I accidentally ran over a Paki today. I was pulled up at the traffic lights and he was crossing the road when my selective colour blindness kicked in again.