Category: wordplay

During an argument, I hit my wife with a violin and she instantly backed down. Must have struck a chord.

Why did Santa say “Ho, ho, ho!”? He saw your mum, wife, and daughter in the same room.

Protractors. Not recommended for amateur farmers.

They see me Rowling, they hatin’ LOL J.K

Why is it that it’s okay to call a white person “mate” yet it’s not okay to call a black guy “primate”?

Everyone at work knew I’d been to see the doctor about my impotence problem but they seemed to understand. Until the boss asked “How was your weekend?”

“This is neither the time,nor the place” Said the confused time traveller.

Watched that Derren Brown on TV last night. His idea that you can psychologically get people to do things by dropping subliminal hints is pure nonsense. It nearly made me SICK my dinner UP.

Many people have told me that it’s impossible to change the gender of your dog without a professional. But who cares? I’m gonna give it a crack.

I found out Einstein was having an affair with my wife. I confronted him and said, “What’s the big idea?” In the two hours of his explanation, never understood a word he said. But I could tell, he knew the gravity of the situation.

A high jumper walked into a bar. Needless to say, he didnt qualify.

I’ve put on a bit of muscle recently. A friend of mine asked me how I’d achieved it. “Milk protein” I replied. “No way” he responded. “Whey”

BBC Sport: Chelsea win on penalties. At last, a report that includes Terry scores with Lampard misses.

I sprayed my angry black friend with bleach. I was trying to lighten him up.

Yahoo! News: “Disabled man plummets from podium into mosh-pit at AC/DC concert!” He was shaken all night long.