Category: wordplay

I was walking down the street when a guy started mugging me: “Give me any legally recognised organisations that you have that supply good or services to consumers, NOW!” I thought, “He means Business”.

I’ve just restored an old canon to it’s former glory! I can’t wait to shoot people I dislike and watch the blinding flash from a safe distance. Shame its loaded with film and not gun powder.

You don’t understand the superiority theory like I do.

My granny left me all her life savings when she died. A small boy that had fallen into a pond and a dog that she’d pulled from a burning house.

Two prison inmates together, one says ”I’ve got two tickets to the wardens ball, do you want one?”, ”No thanks, I cant dance” the other replied. The first one replied ”It’s not a dance, Its a raffle”

Postman knocked on my door the other day and asked, “Is this letter for you?The name is smudged.” I said, “No, It’s not for me mate, my name’s Smith.”

My great uncle was so stubborn, when he died, he left a won’t.

I texted my girlfriend Ruth last night to let her know she was dumped … I wanted to be ruthless

When my opponent turned up for our table tennis final wearing a pheasant mask, I knew I was in for a tough match. He had his game face on.

BBC News – “Colombian plane crashes after lightning strike.” The pilot walked out when he didn’t get a pay rise.

When I run out of toilet paper I’m quite the handyman.

A noun and a verb were dating but they split up because the noun was too possessive.

I have a contact lens problem. I have no contact lens solution.

I’m off camping later. Anyone know where I can get a pink feather boa?

I have an overactive imagination. I ran four marathons in my head yesterday.