Category: wordplay

Just wrote a story about a bloke that drank a pint of Boddingtons and spewed up. It’s a rough draught.

Beards: They grow on you!

I opened a fish gym last week. So far everything’s hunky dory.

I was walking down the street earlier when a baby cat ran into the road straight into the path of a car – the driver didn’t even stop – just kept on driving. Kitten Run.

My mate certainly knows how to make an entrance. He just put up my new front door.

After this fat bird added me as a friend on Facebook I thought, “How could a Robin use a computer?”

My Girlfriend makes up jokes. She works in a Beauty parlour in Newcastle.

My dad had never heard of Pendulum before. He thought they were some kind of swing band.

Xenuphobia: the fear of foreign scientologists

I have a mock exam tomorrow. Everybody’s going to stand around, pointing and laughing at me whilst I take a test.

I’ve made myself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap. She’s a bit clingy.

Apparently Matt Damon believes in two things: Sequels, and reincarnation. Basically, he thinks he’ll be Bourne again.

Hispanic. An amateur bullfighter.

I’ve just called BAA. I do other farmyard animals too.

I liked that film where angry football fans wear masks and go after the evil dictator. FIFA Vendetta.