Category: wordplay

I used to collect the medical magazines “Areas Of The Body”. I’ve got the entire back catalogue.

I’m a big fan of blonde beer. It’s just like normal beer, only much thicker.

I was asked to say a word about my wife at her funeral. I went for “Dead”.

According to news reports, the esteemed adventurer Scott Campbell Smith was captured by cannibals in the Gambia and pushed into a boiling pot of water to which salt, pepper and many herbs were added. A fitting end for a seasoned explorer…

I felt this girl’s left breast the other day. She was disgusted, but at least I knew her heart was in the right place.

I’ve been driving in my car. And I thought: This is Madness.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted a threesome with Pink. She said “God no, sounds awful!” “Oh don’t worry” I replied “She won’t be singing.”

To claim a football net. That’s my goal.

I’ve just written a joke about a broken window. I’ve saved it in drafts.

Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

I lost my job at the local garage checking tyres I couldn’t take the pressure.

Im just going to post a few Christmas letters this year. C R and S…..

Ever since I took over from my dad as a stage ventriloquist, the act has really got popular. Dad says it’s due to the new dummy, but I like to think I had a hand in it.

From a New Zealand news website – “An American horse whisperer has posted a NZ$1000 reward for a conviction in the attack on a horse last weekend” Why doesn’t he save himself a thousand bucks and just ask the Horse who did it?

My wife just gave birth to my son. I told her I’m not going to help her raise him. It’s the least I could do.