Category: wordplay

Ooh, a concealed bow and arrow? I quiver in my boots.

Do witches run spell checkers?

I was about to go on stage and deliver the biggest speech of my career, to help with the nerves I decided to take on the advice that a friend gave me the day before. “Picture everyone in the crowd naked” I didn’t last 5 minutes as a primary school head master.

I was telling my mate last night that I do a great impersonation of Imran Khan’s ex-wife. He said, “Jemima? I said “No, I just do her voice.”

At the beginning of my gcse exam, we were told that no iPods, mobile phones or players of any kind were allowed. So Snoop Dogg had to leave.

I said to my wife, “We need some sort of fence to protect our beloved goat” She said, “Wire fence?” I said “For protection…”

After months of persuasion, I have finally given in to my girlfriends demands and got me and my mate to give her a spit roast. I forgot how good Harverster’s were.

After my girlfriend cheated on me I thought I would hack her phone. All I ended up with was a broken phone and a blunt machete.

I was very disappointed after watching several episodes of the Power Rangers. Not once did they enforce any energy conservation laws.

A tramp has joined my choir. He hums.

Chelsea’s winger is always serious. It’s no laughing Mata.

I decided to have some nice chocolate cake today. I entered a patisserie and said: Whoa, you’re already fat enough! It proved to be an effective way to get a random girl’s cake. For free.

Close your eyes and I’ll update this old map of China. No Peking…

I’ve just come in my pants. It seemed like a good thing to wear for a barbecue.

I attacked someone with a bread knife today. A metal one would’ve been more effective.