Category: wordplay

The kids kept finding their Christmas presents we’d hidden in our wardrobe and under our bed, and my wife said the only way to stop it would be to put them in the loft. I can still hear them crying though.

I was playing poker with a few of my mates. I had a bad hand, so I folded my cards. My mate then went mad saying that he only bought the deck yesterday.

Anyone else feeling to egg the Popemobile? Headlines could read “Eggs Benedict”.

Do Dementia sufferers ever get lost? Just wandering.

“Beaver Book Company” Don’t make the same mistake i did.

Just saw a picture of the worlds largest egg, that’ll take some beating.

I’m not allowed to drop my own kids at the school anymore. Last time the fall broke their legs.

I donated to a charity for psychopathic criminals the other day. I didn’t want to, but apparently it was fundamental.

I had to cancel a wheelchair race today. There weren’t enough non-runners.

Female vicars. Are they birds of pray?

I have invited a girl from work round to my house tonight for a fireworks party. I’m hoping to explode in her face.

What do Audley Harrison and JLS have in common? They both had a hit with one shot.

My wife recently asked me to define “a month”. I’ve been thinking four weeks, but I’m still not sure.

I just put up black out curtains in our front room…. The Africans next door aren’t too happy

I got served at a restaurant in France by this really weird looking waitress… She gave me the crepes.