Category: wordplay

My mate said there’s one thing he hates about Halloween. “Which is?” I asked. “Yeah,” he replied, “they freak me out.”

Haye had a toe-tle nightmare.

There used to be a paper shop at the end of my road, but it blew away.

I’ve been secretly flashing at schoolgirls in Epping Forest. They can’t see the wood for the trees.

My counsellor asked me to describe my early morning drug habit. “Amusing”, I replied.

Last night i asked my wife if she knew any lyrics to a Fleetwood Mac song. “Of course i do” She replied “how about tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies?” “Okay” i replied “You are not a fat, ugly cow”.

After watching a DVD, my daughter turned to me, mouth open, trembling, and tear’s streaming down her face and said, “No daddy, I wanted a seesaw”.

Every time I mix beer and lemonade together I find I can’t walk properly. I think I must be shandycapped.

I was told the other day that I had an IQ of only 75. I took a dim view of that.

I punched a hole in the wall earlier. The bank were NOT happy.

As the head ranger on the game farm, I had to tell the boss that the wildebeest were causing havoc. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Bad gnus” I replied.

As a male biologist, I refuse to work with women. They keep faking organisms.

Integers are pointless.

They say that 90 percent of accidents happen in the home. That’s why I spend most my time round my mates house, just to be on the safe side.

Just got out of the hospital. Apparently its called a “Blowfish” for some different reason.