Category: wordplay

My wife just told me she’s leaving me, she said “you never take anything seriously, life is just one big joke to you!” I stood there for a while with a shocked look on my face. And replied “I don’t get it”

I’m hopeless when it comes to fatherhood. Only today my wife sent me to get a muslin for the baby… I came back with Abdul.

Everyone can put on their curriculum vitae that they know a little Latin.

I think the standard of golf may have suffered today , due to me and my mate playing a grudge match. There were no-holes parred.

“I’ve just invented a communication laser”, my mate beamed.

I feel sorry for my wife after I did a series of experiments on her which turned her invisible. You’ve got to feel for her.

Jeff Stelling is to leave as host of Countdown after 3 years. This has presented the producers with a bit of a drumconun.

What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Wow, nice belt

Scientists have developed an Insect that devours muslim temples. The Mosque eater.

What’s eight inches long and makes my wife come? My thumb and middle finger when I click them.

As I looked down at my father in his casket, I wondered if he was happy at the time of his death. It was hard to tell, though. Stiff upper lip.

My wife was killed in cold blood. When a black pudding truck rolled over on her.

My girlfirend asked me which side of the rowing boat I wanted to sit. Either Or?

They reckon Oxygen’s going to be the next big thing. I just can’t see it myself.

Some idiot has installed the new ceiling fans in our office way too low, there’s one literally about a foot above my desk. There’s no wayI’m going to stand for that.