Category: wordplay

I’m just about to meet my mates down the pub but i’m not happy that my wife’s coming out. They are never going to believe she’s a lesbian.

As me and my son sat watching a scary film, the whimpering started and soon developed into hands covering the eyes in blind terror. At which point my son said, “Dad, is this another one of those predictable jokes when it turns out to be you blubbing and not me?”

Police in Oswestry have arrested a man outside a pub after he was heard to say “I could murder a couple of Fosters”

So I was following this little boy Jack on the streets this afternoon, and I saw him buy a small pack of beans. Yes, I’ve beanstalking him.

So I hear one of Raoul Moat’s victims has had to have his eyes removed. Must have been a blinding shot.

Unemployment!…….it’s just not working!!

I observed a minute’s silence earlier. I saw a dwarf take the fifth amendment in court.

I was on a remote island once. Just a pity there were no tv’s.

Quality problems have been reported at the Mr. Kipling factory. They fear it might be a worst cake scenario.

Apparently,some drug abusers are experts in meths.

I’m flying to Dublin with Ireland’s national airline. They cut the hand luggage allowance from 10kg to 6kg. That’s Cunning Lingus for you. Leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

My missus said yesterday that she fancied a bit. So I gave her one. And a bridle, saddle and stirrups to match.

My son asked me if it was ok to smoke crack in the snow. I said “It certainly is, son, as long as you don’t in hail.”

After my wife kicked me out, I hit the road Which is probably how I broke my knuckles.

I saw this midget today and said ‘Hey – you’re the guy who played that robot in Star Wars!’ he said ‘I most certainly am not’ I said ‘You are too!’