Category: wordplay

I hate it when you put my iPod to shuffle and it starts moonwalking instead.

My brother and I couldn’t decide who would inherit all Dad’s old woodworking tools, so we’ve decided to play a game of rock, paper, scissors for them. Winner takes awl.

Ever since our band leader lost both his legs in a tragic accident, we’ve affectionately called him our semi-conductor.

A homeless man came up to me and said, ”Will suck for money!” I thought about and said, ”yeah, why not!” He stunk of urine but my carpet hasn’t been that clean in years.

I can’t believe Laura Robson has been knocked out of Wimbledon, before I even had a chance to knock one out over Laura.

The closest I ever come to recycling is doing the same route every day on my mountain bike.

I logged onto a website called “911 Jokes” this morning. Some of them were pretty amusing, but I don’t think the guy who built the site can count.

I connected with a girl at speed dating called Swan Vesta. As soon as we met, I knew she was a perfect match.

Corporal punishment in schools and domestic violence have a striking resemblance.

Me and my mates were all sat in the pub sucking helium out of balloons, having a right laugh. When all of a sudden Frank Bruno walked over and asked if he could join in. That completely lowered the tone.

Neither of my daughters appreciate my gags. Also the youngest is particularly fearful of the gimp mask.

If you cut a glow-worm’s tail off, would it be delighted?

My band and I just got shamelessly plugged by a big record company president. I still can’t walk normally.

Apparently British root vegetables are the number one import in Vietnam so far in 2010. There’s a turnip for the gooks.

I just recently bought a computer shaped like a car. It crashed