Category: wordplay

I walked past a kid the other day wearing a shirt advertising thebobbymoorefund. I don’t know what a bobbymoo refund is but I want one.

When I first saw you, I wanted to be inside you – I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen… Oh, how I love my new shoes.

In mediaeval times, horses that died in battle were taken to the taxidermist. It was the stuff of knight mares

I just beat Cancer! That’s the last time my wife tells me what nicknames i can and can’t give her.

Me and my mates have been going to Amsterdam for years now and taking loads of pot. There will be no ceramics left soon.

If someone asks you to spell “Part A” backwards, don’t do it. It’s a trap……

I punched a hole in the wall earlier today. It had swallowed my card.

“Hi Mum, I’ve got somebody else on the line. Can I call you back?” She knows I work a double shift as a tightrope walker on Fridays.

I’ve become rather disliked as a boss since I decided that we were no longer going to make incontinence pads for ladies. My position has become untenable.

‘Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a big birthday cake.’ ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to be sectioned.’

I went to the Library today and asked the Librarian, “Do you have any books on naked children?” She replied, “No, sorry, our books are all on shelves.”

I just used a colon improperly. But she’s really drunk and probably won’t remember.

I was out on the boat with the missus today when she said, “If I fell out of this boat would a shark swallow me whole?” I replied, “Nah. He’d spit that bit out.”

Heavy metal. Peter Harvey is a fan.

Whenever I’m feeling ill, I like to curl up in front of a black & white movie. Mainly because I’m off colour.