Category: wordplay

There’s a new Fish and Chip shop opened up in my area so I thought I would go. What a lovely plaice.

Its not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Did you hear that Chelsea’s bid for that Valencia player fell through this morning? Oh well, no Mata

The thing with gluesniffers is they all stick together

I took my son for a drive this morning. Poor sod’s still got the tyre marks where I parked on his face.

I know an electrician with a mild case of epilepsy. He’s a light fitter.

As a train conductor, I spend most days walking up and down the train, punching tickets. I shouldn’t do it really, but I get annoyed when people wave their tickets in my face. Makes me want to hit things.

Went house-hunting the other day. Only managed to kill a bungalow, though.

So I saw this giant fighting a dwarf. …That’s the long and short of it.

Recent figures show that I need yet another cabinet for all my action men.

How did I get out of Iraq? Iran.

I’ve considered changing my career from working at the neckwear store, i’m just a little tied down though.

The Shard. Is it a memorial to posh Holocaust victims?.

Whilst beating your wife make sure to add splashes of milk to ensure a fluffy consistency throughout.

I was born an abbot and I will Diane Abbott.