Category: wordplay

There’s to be a Hollywood remake of Mario Balotelli’s horror challenge today. “The Shinning”.

My girlfriend fell over her Handlebars today. Someone needs to tell her Movember is over.

”Age is just a number” – it’s quite clearly a word

Whats the differnce between the American air force and the British air force? The British air force break ground and fly into the wind.

I hate those people that go door to door trying to convert others to joining their gym. For the last time, I do not want to become a member of Jehova’s Fitness!

Me and Oxymorons have a love-hate relationship.

As my wife woke this morning, the first thing she said was, ” How long you been up?” I said, ” About five minutes.” She said, ” Take it out and get off, I’ve got to go to work.”

My maths teacher asked me, “Do you understand inequalities?” I replied, “More or less.”

My son recently completed all of his swimming lessons. As a reward I gave him a red wetsuit and pushed him out to sea. Thats my buoy!

Siamese Twins: Nature Saying “If you can’t beat em…”

I wouldn’t dream of being an insomniac.

I was sat in A & E when a woman stumbled in with an open, dripping wound. Never again, do I want to see Katie Price with no knickers on.

I just bought a Hawaiian shirt. It is covered in pictures of ham and pineapples

I was playing with my Wii earlier. I wouldn’t recommend it. My hands smelt of urine.

My friends say I try too hard to keep up with the times. It’s not my fault the papergirl has a bike.