Category: wordplay

I have a black eye…. does that make me multicultural?

People tell me I have a pessimistic view of incest. It must be the dad in me.

I saw a woman applying her make up on the bus this morning . It was a really old bus and benefited from a bit of blusher.

How does Wicket get to work? Ewoks.

I was at an old school acid house revival night last weekend when a journalist came up to me and said, “What, in your opinion, was the best thing about the eighties?” “Actually”, I replied, “I think you’ll find I’ve only taken six.”

BBC news: Libyan rebels sweeping westward. They may be causing carnage but at least they are cleaning up after themselves.

Our thermostat broke, now all the radiators in the house are on full blast the entire day. Not cool.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but… …I’m not going to slow down for those children in the road.

I had to do an emergency stop at 70mph today. You should have seen the skid marks. left some horrible black lines in the road aswell.

I saw a drunken German Amy Winehouse impersonator collapse in the street today. I asked her if I should call someone. She said “nein, nein, nein”

I was unable to get on and submit for 5 hours today, due to the crash. My wife was declared dead a short while ago, but at least the car’s drivable.

I’m fed up with my boss for forcing me to stand on one leg every single day. Tomorrow I’m putting my foot down.

I woke up this morning and put mascara on my head, wasn’t happy with that so I put lipstick on my head, still wasn’t happy with that. I really couldn’t make up my mind

Even though my boss told me “Don’t lose heart”, I realise that I have. Which is bad, considering that I’m an organ donor courier.

I used to work in a shop that sold mirrors, but unfortunately the quality of the products began to decline. Eventually I just couldn’t see myself working there any more.