Category: wordplay

I told a beautiful woman I wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole and she slapped me and left me. It’s hard being a gondolier sometimes.

A cross dresser just got run over out side my house. What a drag.

Chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting cheese and wine from his local Tesco. BBC have announced he will be ready steady crooks new host!

This girl asked me out last night. I was so shocked. I wonder how she found me in her closet in the first place.

I was about to perform knee surgery yesterday, but decided that would be showing off. So I used my hands instead.

I had a knock at my door today and when i answered, the Postman was stood there. “Can you sign for this parcel mate”he said I replied “Err, ok but i only know thank you and apple”

I will solve my procrastination issues; just wait and see.

When my wife said ‘I think we should call it a day’, I didn’t realise she was serious about naming my son that.

The wife and I decided to have a race to see who would die first. I left her in my wake.

BBC NEWS: “Labour leader Ed Miliband accuses the coalition government of performing a partial U-turn over free book funding.” Sorry to break it to you Ed, but a ‘partial U’ is a straight line.

What’s old & ropey? Old rope.

BBC Sport News: Republic skipper Robbie Keane became the first Irish or British player to reach 50 goals with his opening strike against Macedonia. I know FIFA is undergoing some change at the moment, but 50 goals with 1 strike is a little too far.

AOL News: EastEnders star quits soap after just one week She’s now using Shower Gel

I felt really sore after sleeping on my arm last night. Maybe I’ll go back to using my bed.

Recently, I’ve been exploring an exciting new avenue. There was me thinking my finger was too wide