Category: wordplay

Why did Nivea Cream? Because Max Factor.

Can someone tell me where you get a 1080p TV from? Even in Aldi they are more than double that round here.

My doctor just sat me down and told me I was paraplegic. I could really use a pick me up.

September 11 was the result the worst computer virus ever seen. Ive never seen a crash of windows like it.

What do you call a guy who owns a brothel? Humphrey.

My wife has just come in and said she’s got style. “Yeh, I know” I replied, “It leads in to your field you fat cow.”

The sun: 20 stone woman stuck on slide at butlins. how hard can it be? just let a man design it instead.

Running up to the 2012 paralympics; as creative co-oridinator, it’s my job to create new events for the paralympics. I thought of wheelchair pole vault but it didn’t really take off.

I will never forget the time I beat Jeremy Beadle at Poker. It was quite easy really I had a better hand than him.

My friend called me last night panicking, he had just completed a powerpoint presentation. Despite the content being fine, he felt the presentation of it was bland and lifeless. I told him to look at the fonts and maybe something will inspire him. He called me four hours later, still panicking, telling me, he had […]

I started a parachute course then I fell out with my instructor.

I’m always breaking into song… I can never find the right key

I’ve just sold my soul to the devil………… He particularly wanted the Stevie Wonder LP’s that i put on ebay.

I broke into someone’s house the other day by picking their lock. The owner saw me and shouted “Who are you? and how did you get in here?” I replied… “I am a locksmith… and I am a locksmith.”

I’m managing a solo 80s tribute act. He’s a conductor that plays tunes on his Dyson with the lights turned off; Orchestral Man Hoovers In The Dark.