Category: wordplay

See-saws rock!

I met a bloke who wanted to commit suicide. So i showed him the ropes.

I can’t wait for Apple to release the new gizmo for luring kids, the iCandy.

The best part of Christmas is de-boning the turkey, right after I’ve seasoned it with my special sauce.

12 female soldiers have got pregnant in Afghanistan. It’s a scandal our troops don’t have the proper protection.

I saw a flying saucer this morning. It flew right out of my hand and hit the wife in the head.

My Speed awareness course lasted 45 minutes. I did it in 10.

There is a designated area in my workplace which contains eyewash and patches in case of accidents with the chemicals we use. I thought, “That’s a site for sore eyes.”

Hey babe, you can call me gamma ray, Because you’re going to get penetrated at the highest level

I’ve started a charity supplying bikes to injured war veterans. If you want to donate, send your bike to raleighthetroops.com

Scientists have discovered the smallest unit of measurement for personality. It’s called a ‘Miliband’.

What has paracetamol’s and the knife that I stabbed my wife with have in common? They both kill pains.

My little brother got caught stealing a sandwich from Tesco. I took the wrap.

I saw a bath on display stood upright in B&Q. I thought to myself “That idea will never catch on.”

My mate asked me what my worst ever injury was. I replied, “He was quite bad in 1982 when I saw him with the Blockheads”.