Category: wordplay

I just brought myself a feel good CD. Still feels like plastic though.

To be honest, I quite like this whole Credit Crunch Though I wish they’d stop bringing out such topical breakfast cereals.

“Hey, do you like my new frisbee?” “Yeah it’s awesome!” “Wanna take it out for a spin?”

I feel foolish. I didn’t have quite enough to eat.

Indiana Jones told me he had to run away from a huge tumbling rock. Sounds like balderdash to me.

I invite my old mate Gary round for a drink, after a couple of pints he went to the bathroom, and a few minutes later my daughter ran downstairs screaming and rubbing her head I said “Don’t cry, it’s only Glitter in your hair”

Whenever they play a Chris Brown song on my Rihanna Pandora station… …it kind of feels like a slap in the face.

My wife asked me to do some jobs around the house. So I cut the neighbours lawns and swept the road.

My wife wants us to try for a baby. I told her it just wasn’t conceivable.

My doctor says I must stop obsessing about food. Piece of cake!

I hate people who say that age is just a number. ‘Age’ is clearly a word.

The remains of US-born chess champion Bobby Fischer have been exhumed in Iceland to establish a paternity claim. Police said “We don’t think he’s the Dad, but we thought we’d better check mate”.

My mate went away on holiday. When he came back, I said, “So, how was it?” He said, “It was great, I got the sun every day.” I said, “Then why did you go away? You can get it at the local corner shop.”

I don’t really enjoy spending time with my dog since he died, even taking him for a walk is just a drag.

I’m one of these people who refuses to accept change, which, in hindsight, is probably why my career as a busker went down the pan.