Category: wordplay

My retinas can now talk to each other thanks to my eye phone.

My mate has been impossibly demanding since he got a job as a maths teacher. I guess there’s just no pleasing sum people.

I can turn my head 180 degrees. In hindsight,that’s not a bad thing.

I’m sick of getting the same shift’s every week in my job as a CB operator. 10-4.

How do you get a druggie into bed? With E’s

A little Asian lad just came running into work. I asked, “And who are you?” He replied, “Ameer.” I said, “I can see that but what’s your name?”

English was my best subject in school. My least favorite was Maffs.

It’s probably a good thing Charles Xavier didn’t use his first initial for his band of mutant misfits.

I was in the car with my dad with the radio on, and he played a really interesting song But then we crashed and he dropped his guitar

I used to have dreams before I was married, Now I cant dream because my wife snores too loud.

I went on a date with a girl yesterday. “What would you like to do?” I said. “Would you like to eat out?” she replied. “Depends…have you shaved?”

I just bought myself the ADD version of

When relationships end, kids are often affected… …Harvey Price always looks like he’s just been dumped.

I filled my car up with petrol this morning. Wish I hadn’t now, the seats are ruined.

what do you call a female police officer? A stripper