Category: wordplay

I was going to tell a joke about Anthony Worrall Thompson shoplifting. But I reckon you’ll all whine because it’s too cheesy.

What do you get if you eat a hand full of spiders,beetles and woodlouse! A stomach bug …

I went to Uni to learn about being single. Got a bachelors degree

My mate asked me if I knew what modifiers were. I said “More or less”.

‘100% Yes!’ ‘1000% Yes!!’ ‘1,000,000% Yes!!!’ I wish the X Factor judges would stop trying to top each other… and just top themselves.

My wife has told me to stop taking everything literally. She can talk.

I was in the pub last night and saw this man throwing darts but everytime they wouldn’t sink into the board. I thought to myself – thats pointless!

I think the media have wheelie bin unfair to this cat woman.

The police are on my case. I wish they would get off it, I am going abroad tomorrow.

It amazes me that people think Marlon King will do 18 months… …Since when has a footballer ever completed a sentence?

I hate being a brunette. It’s just not fair.

I own a lumberjack business. There’s this one guy who wasn’t very good with the chainsaw so I gave him the axe.

My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels He’s the Spokesman.

I’ve just posted a clip of me sleeping onto Facebook. It’s an inbeded video.

My girlfriend wanted me to fist her. I told her no but she wasn’t having any of it. So I had to arm up.