Category: wordplay

im going to stand up against the teachers in our school, lets just say its going to go down in history

My obese wife failed to lose any weight on her latest diet and now I’ve left her. She’s a loser all round.

BBC News: Police arrest ETA chief. No one knows when he’ll get to court

Don’t bother entering the Repair Man of the Year award.. It’s fixed..

I took a girl home from a club last night. As soon as we got inside the front door she was all over me like a rash, kissing me all over and rubbing her hands over my body. Leaning her mouth to my ear I could feel her hot breath as she whispered, “Time to […]

I’ve been up all night answering questions about resistors. My Physics teacher always sets too much Ohm work.

My mate asked me what my best pickup line was? I replied ”Cocaine”

I’ve just started a removals company called U2. We move in Mysterious Ways.

I was offered a job once at the Waldorf making salads. Turned it down though, the celery wasn’t big enough.

I’ve got a new job working at a smoothie bar. I’m blending in well.

So Gordon Brown and David Cameron have something in common…this year, they’ve both lost a Sun.

An ex-Gladiator tried kicking off with me on a plane the other day. “Easy Jet”, I warned her.

I can’t stand independent women. They just don’t do it for me.

Millets, you know it makes tents.

I left the bath running the other night. It was only when I got half way up my street that I realised I had no clothes on.