Category: wordplay

I went up to Mr. T and said, “I’m going to cook you a dessert.” He said, “Try fool!” I said, “No, strawberry cheesecake, actually.”

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He’s bisatchel

Nice to see that the Liverpool fans have started a collection to buy something for the newly born child of their Brazillian midfielder. They’ve called it Lucas Aid

What do you call a chinese carpenter? Nai Ling

I lay down and he comes towards me, it’s long and hard in his hand and I can’t help but feel anxious. He slips it in, it’s tight and quite sore, but soon i feel a warm trickle of liquid as he takes it out. I remain there with a look of relief on my […]

I was holding a bacon sandwich in each hand when i suddenly realised “I’m hambidextrous”.

I’m moving out of my caravan so I’ve put it on the market. A guy just tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, mate. My fruit and veg stall is supposed to go there.”

Teacher: im sick and tired with you boy and im running out of patience! Student: well sir, if your sick and tired, you should not be running.

Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness…. I said to myself.

Masturbation: The leading cause of tissue damage.

I got fired from work today. I think the “Your Mum” joke went too far at lunch when my boss claimed that his chicken “tastes like fish”.

Last night i said to my wife that there is an Elvis song, that whenever i hear it i think of her. “How sweet” she replied “Is it always on my mind?” “No” i replied “It’s hound dog”.

I asked my friend if he was up for going to a country in the Middle East. He said Yemen.

I’d like to see a musical version of “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead”. We could call it “Phantom of the Au Pair”.

“I’m an awful grime dj, trying to break into the pop market.” Sorry, I was just being Ironik.