Category: wordplay

Im sick to death of the wife banging the lounge door against the wall. Im going to put a stop to it.

You are under arrest. He hit himself with it officer, please believe me. You think this supposed to be some sort of sick backwards joke? Honestly no officer. So a black man walked into a bar?

I was trying to buy some new luggage the other day and for some reason I just burst into tears. I must be case sensitive.

How ironic are those Australia immigration adverts now? I’m sure they’re flooded with requests.

Why did I stick my genitals into a bees nest? For the buzz.

Surrealists. You either love them or cover them in polka dotted, beetroot flavoured oxo triangles.

Just remember: A minor is most likely to B flat.

I was driving home from London yesterday when I decided to pull off into the service station. …which immediately got me thrown out.

What did the scouser say to the baker? You do dough don’t you though?

My mate asked me, “In 1 second, can you think of a 4 letter word that starts with K and ends with W? “No.” I replied. “Wow, you’re good!”

What do you call a Paki copper on ITV cop show The Bill? Sunil.

I saw a homeless man the other day shouting “big issues, big issues!” So I took off my size 13 trainers and handed them to him

Like my girlfriend, my ego is inflated.

Everyone says I lack empathy but I couldn’t care less.

What’s Jay-Z’s favourite toy? A yo-yo.