Category: wordplay

Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction: 12 injured, 4 pasta way.

They’ve just opened up a Polish shop in town, now I’m no business expert but restricting yourself to selling just Mr. Sheen & Pledge is asking for trouble.

I’m a hipocritic. Perhaps if they spent less time bathing in mud they’d lose more weight and get further in life…

I was getting ready to go as a water feature to a fancy dress party. I wasn’t sure so asked my mate what he thought. He put a lilly pad on my head. That made me ponder.

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He started eating the pizza long before it was cool.

I just heard that Aston Villa beat Hull City 2-. Which was a bit of a result.

Me and my partner were accused of plagiarising 50 Cent. He took the rap

I can sympathise with those upset by the death of Pavarotti. I felt the same when I lost a tenner.

Why aren’t I allowed to be around epileptic kids? Because I’m a flasher

I’ve got a lovely recipe for a fish stew made with pollock and dog fish. It’s the dog’s pollocks.

The missus was having a really bad attack of wind this morning. First it was like cabbage, then peas, then sprouts! Honestly, I’ve never smelt anything Grocer!

It’s great to see people of all faiths getting behind the royal wedding. I just overheard a group of young Muslim men walking towards Westminster Abbey saying how they can’t wait for the signal so they can really toast the happy couple.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. Been upholstering all morning, now let’s get to the pub!

My lecturer is a Doctor of advanced statistics and probability. What’s the chances of that then?

My mate is trippin’ on LSD. I should probably move it off the floor.