Category: wordplay

I was walking to my car in the Red Light District earlier today. A woman was lent against my car. “Hand-job?” she asked. “No,” I replied, “it’s fully automatic.”

Following the trend set by Steve Jobs, I’ve decided to start a fruit and veg company called “Laptop.”

I’ve just won five games of poker in a row whilst standing on a piece of bread. Think I’m on a roll.

Why were 3 Asian university students recently arrested? For running a math lab.

Revision – Everytime I do it it feels like I seen it all before.

‘It’s the quiet ones that you’ve got to watch’ Especially at mime shows.

No matter how much I plead, my wife flatly refuses to get a breast enlargement.

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a Church window cleaner.

When my castle was under attack I sent out my last remaining knight to do battle. I shouted “I will never give in!” My enemy replied “Is that your final lancer?”

I thought my Chinese neighbour was heading back to China for Halloween but evidently not. I’ve just overheard him ask his missus if she’d booked the frights .

They say there’s a sucker born every minute, but I’d be more curious to find out at what rate swallowers are born.

I only play with my spastic son when the internet isn’t working. I call it down-time.

I was deciding whether or not to get a new bed yesterday. I decided to just sleep on it.

We had a wood work society at my school. I was the vice president.

I’ve been suffering from depression ever since the bridge I built collapsed. I can’t get over it