Category: wordplay

I’ve become a terrible alcoholic ever since I had my hands amputeed. I can’t handle my drink.

I caught a fish that almost got away. He was gutted.

Went to a roller disco last night. The music was great and I got a perm.

My parents went to Southeast Asia and all I got was this Laosy t-shirt.

Lady vicar caught having an affair with a chef. The proof – her vest found in his pantry, and his pants found in her vestry.

Profit from death is gross.

Don’t worry about infringing on corporate trademarks, Just Do It.

I was watching Don King ordering his contractors to suspend a boxing ring in mid air using four cranes when I suddenly thought to myself………..Hang a bout?

Oh my God I can’t believe it….. Tottenham are playing the Kaiser Chiefs.

If kanye can steal the mic so easily, can taylor really be called swift?

This guy came up to me and said ‘magician, wiccan, sourceress’ I said speaking of which…

Ever since buying a digital camera, I can only think of it’s positive points. There aren’t any negatives.

“Ronseal – It does exactly what it says on the tin” Sounds like a failed condom company to me.

I was on holiday in Spain when my mate phoned me. “How’s the hotel?” he said. “Well, I can’t complain, ” I replied. “Oh, that’s good then,” he said. I said, “No, it’s terrible! I just don’t speak the lingo.”

Jay-Z’s song ’99 problems’ was inspired by his two Dalamatians when they had puppies.