Category: wordplay

I keep having nightmares about scales and I’m really worried. It’s weighing heavy on my mind.

I decided to try a new method of attempting to kill my wife by using a knife and fork. I ended up making a meal of it.

I told my mate I’d bring him back something from my holiday. He said “Abroad?” I said “If they’re selling them.”

I got a text earlier, when my phone suddenly blew up! Turns out it was a Semtext.

I got caught out at work today. The boss will go nuts if he finds out we played cricket.

I’ve started an admin job at a nail parlour. I just sit there doing the filing all day.

I’ve got a really exaggerated tic. You should see the state of a questionnaire when I’ve finished with it.

BBC news headline – “Gang rips out 1km of phone cable”. As of yet the Police have, no leads

I hate taxi drivers that think they can defy the laws of gravity. They drive me up the wall.

I want to go to a party dressed in cling film, but I don’t think I’ll be able to pull it off.

Polce Toay Announce They Are Nvestgatng A Strng Of ID Thefts.

War Horse – the touching new film about a Geordie pimp.

A recent News headline said “Churchgoers driven away by bats.” Seems heavy handed, but my cricket team really disagrees with the Church’s line on artificial contraception.

Took my car into an autocentre and asked the mechanic “Can you check my brakes?” He asked “How long do you have for lunch?” I said “Half an hour.” He said “seems okay to me.”

What size wood did Noah make the Ark from? Two by two.