Category: wordplay

All my mates told me I needed a new battery in my watch. I’m sure it was a wind up.

My girlfriend keeps ruining all our newpapers and magazines to get coupons and money off vouchers. I keep telling her to cut it out.

My mate from work just asked me if I had BBM. It took me a while to figure out what he meant but he looked ecstatic went I brought Brokeback Mountain in to work the next day.

BBC News: “BBC News website openly allows people to make up quotes and post them elsewhere”

I went to a pub and asked for a strong gust of wind. They said they only served draught.

I dont do jokes about the Spanish……….. no way Jose!

My mate asked me if I’d ever seen Paddington Bear. I said “No, but I’ve seen Kings Cross evacuated.”

I think I have an obsession with black people but I can’t say Fo’ Sho’.

How does a matador like his coffee? Au lait!

“Welcome back to the second half of the S&M championship. So Far, both teams are tied.”

I’ve just seen my swimming instructors having a fight over buoyancy aids. They’ve been at each others floats for months now.

While my girlfriend agrees that simultaneously losing her virginity and joining the mile high club would be a memorable experience, we just can’t settle on the finer details. I want to do it on the next flight we take, but she wants to hire a private helicopter. Her best mate says hang-gliding would be a […]

I shot a couple of American tourist earlier by hiding in a giant dessert. I put the rifle in the trifle.

Lost my job at the nursing home today I just don’t care any more.

I was nibbling the top of a Magnum earlier. It’s a good job I’d remembered to put the safety catch on.